World Views

     I am currently enrolled in a Biblical Leadership class in Bible College. We've been going over a lot of personal reflection assignments and have been taking assessments that give us a more open view of who we are and what our strengths and weaknesses are. Today in class, we went over different world views on different theological and philosophical topics. God, life, history, and humanity. 

     One of the world views my group went over was Nihilism. For those of you that don't know, Nihilism is the Negative Nancy of world views. They believe that life is meaningless, there is no god, history has no importance, life is absurd and ultimately, death is absurd. As my group and I went over this view and its beliefs, I got to thinking about myself and my own personal views.

     What are my own views? What would others classify me as? What system of beliefs do I follow that categorize me?

     I've concluded that I don't belong to a view or theology. I don't want to limit myself. I feel like if I label myself as a "pre millennialist" or "post millennialist" or something of that sort, then I immediately am allowing myself to be subject to that theology's system of beliefs, which I don't want.

     I firmly believe in having your own faith, your own beliefs, and your own theology. You can pull beliefs out of different theologies, but ultimately you learn what you believe by studying the Word and drawing conclusions from interpretation. Don't devote yourself to an author, or a theology, or a church father, or a doctrine. Open your mind and create for yourself your own belief system; after all, beliefs are beliefs, not facts. Our beliefs won't matter in the end. We're more than likely all wrong, and I'm okay with that.

Timing

     Tonight I was having a conversation with one my band members in my RA's room. We were talking about our girlfriends and how we both need to be working on patience. We conversed about how we need to use the fruits of the Spirit to show love in areas that we need to work on that we have a hard time showing love through. We both share patience as a common ground with something that we have a hard time showing love through. As we sat on the bed talking about all of this, we both asked the other to pray for his need of patience. He then asked me if I wanted to pray right now. The room was full of other dudes playing mario and was no peaceful place to share a prayer. But, pushing aside the current setting we were in, we decided to pray about it. He prayed first and then I closed the prayer after him.

     In his portion of the prayer, he asked God to present both of us with opportunities to show patience and to learn to have patience through these opportunities. Literally tonight, no longer than an hour after that prayer, I was given an opportunity when listening to a friend reconcile with me. This was the first time in a very long time that The Lord answered one of my prayers almost immediately after it was asked. I was expecting something to come up in the next day or sometime this week or even next week, but no, I was given an opportunity tonight. I am so thankful for the God that I love and serve.

The Downward Path

I find myself getting jealous easily.

     I don't know what it is. It's not over items. I don't see something I want that someone else has and get these emotions of jealousy and covet. I don't want items or toys or gadgets or any fancy things. It doesn't bother me if people have things that I don't.

     It's not jealousy over items or physical goods. It's like an emotional jealousy. People spending time with one another that I wish I had. I get jealous of the quality time that people share. I want that. I don't care what shoes you're wearing or what car you're driving or the newest game that you have. I want to spend time with that person that you're spending time with and it gets me jealous, and I let it take over my emotions and it gets out of hand. It can ruin my day. It can ruin my night. It can ruin my weekend. It can ruin a conversation or a text message. It can ruin my attitude and how I feel, for however long I let it. I try to stop it, I try to get it out of my head, but it sits there, making itself home and I can't do a thing about it.

     I realize that it isn't good and that it's something that I need to work on. I don't know how to work on it though. Whenever it comes I have no preparation and I don't know how to handle it. Instead of combatting it I let it stay there and take over my entire emotional state. I don't tell anyone about it because I like to say that I'm fine and that nothing is wrong, that things are okay. But I don't feel okay.

     There is no happy ending or resolution that I have for this blog like I do normally for the rest, just venting and trying to figure myself out.

     P.S. Sometimes you just need to sit in peace and receive assurance from a loved one to make things better.