The Downward Path

I find myself getting jealous easily.

     I don't know what it is. It's not over items. I don't see something I want that someone else has and get these emotions of jealousy and covet. I don't want items or toys or gadgets or any fancy things. It doesn't bother me if people have things that I don't.

     It's not jealousy over items or physical goods. It's like an emotional jealousy. People spending time with one another that I wish I had. I get jealous of the quality time that people share. I want that. I don't care what shoes you're wearing or what car you're driving or the newest game that you have. I want to spend time with that person that you're spending time with and it gets me jealous, and I let it take over my emotions and it gets out of hand. It can ruin my day. It can ruin my night. It can ruin my weekend. It can ruin a conversation or a text message. It can ruin my attitude and how I feel, for however long I let it. I try to stop it, I try to get it out of my head, but it sits there, making itself home and I can't do a thing about it.

     I realize that it isn't good and that it's something that I need to work on. I don't know how to work on it though. Whenever it comes I have no preparation and I don't know how to handle it. Instead of combatting it I let it stay there and take over my entire emotional state. I don't tell anyone about it because I like to say that I'm fine and that nothing is wrong, that things are okay. But I don't feel okay.

     There is no happy ending or resolution that I have for this blog like I do normally for the rest, just venting and trying to figure myself out.

     P.S. Sometimes you just need to sit in peace and receive assurance from a loved one to make things better.